The Last Attribute

Heart is the last attribute of a gentleman. Leadership, courage, kindness -- all of these things make up heart. It is what pushes gentlemen forward and what encourages their followers. 

[encourage] -> [en] + [courage]. 

To give courage. 

I've said a lot about what I think gentlemen are. I said that they're knowledgeable. They learn from books and experience. They're willing. They aren't afraid of mountains in need of climbing or something new to be tested. And now, they're full of heart. They're leaders in the real world, figures that people can look up to for help and guidance. 

Gentlemen aren't always people who sip tea and wear top hats. They don't always walk around saying things like, "What ho!", "Elementary, dear Watson," and "milady". They don't always stick out like sore thumbs and make people wonder.

But the best ones do.

Gentlemen are hard to find these days. May this have helped, just a little bit, on your journey to better yourself. Step out. Don't be afraid. Learn. Encourage others and encourage yourself. Together, we can build a better world. 

Comic Book Lessons, Part II

You've heard it said, "With great power comes great responsibility". Not all of us have a dear Uncle Ben who can tell us that, but it's circulated around the world enough times that almost everyone has heard it anyway. And I'll tell you something else: it's entirely true.

You may not realize it, Gentlemen, but you are leaders. Whether you want it or not, people look to you. They ask for opinions, encouragement, and approval. They look at how you act and model their behavior after you. A leader doesn't have a whole bunch of medals to show their courage in combat, or steadfastness in defending what they love. The leader is the one in the midst of the battle, fighting beside comrades and encouraging them. A leader isn't the one who takes the glory. He or she is often overlooked. The people who are aided, however, know exactly who the leader is. It doesn't matter if management knows or not. Frankly, it doesn't matter who officially recognizes you. True leadership is known unofficially, but it is known.

Gentlemen, I ask you: are you leaders?

In comic books, the leaders are heroes. They're known by specific colors: Iron Man's red suit, Hulk's green skin, Batman's black cape, or Superman's yellow and red S. Heroes in the real world aren't quite so obvious, but their work can be. Look around. Who are your heroes?

Comic Book Lessons

So far we've covered two overall points and some smaller ones. Knowledge and Willingness will start you on your way to becoming a gentleman, but what happens when you're well on your way? What sorts of things does a gentleman do, and what sorts of things happen to him? What are traits that you can use on your path?

Comic Con attendees: your attention, please. What are some of the things you saw at the show two weeks ago? Super heroes, probably. TV show and movie heroes, heroines, sidekicks, even some bad guys. Why do people choose these to represent? What about movie and comic book characters appeals to us? Why do some movies seem to strike some chords in our hearts, and bring us close to a person that doesn't exist?

Answer: these people are real.
They are a part of us.

We love certain characters because they remind us of ourselves. We hate bad guys because they embody all of the darkness within us. They're constant reminders of what happens if you let the worst of you be the best.

Earlier this week, our nation bowed its head to honor those who went to see a movie and never came back home. The news exploded into new accounts of how fearsome it is to live in the world we do. People cowered in fear in front of their TVs, suddenly afraid to set foot outside. "You never know who you'll see," say the pretty faces on the camera. "You'll never know who you'll meet."

Trust no one.

What a terrible way to live.
Gentlemen, if you learn nothing else, learn not to be afraid. If you can't trust anyone, don't trust people who would mislead you. Test everything and everyone, but don't be afraid of them. Fearing everything leads to a terrible waste of a life.

I'm sure you've seen those posters on the internet: they say things such as, "It's your life. If you don't like your job, quit. If you want to go somewhere, pack your bags." I've talked before about courage, and daring to do. There's a lot of fear packed up in doing. It requires letting go of something you know for something you don't. But you don't have to quit your job. If you love it, stay. If you need the money, look for something else before you quit it. Don't drop everything immediately. There's false freedom in that, too.

Every choice comes with responsibility to bear consequences. This is something that all heroes understand.

Spandex and tights don't make heroes. Hearts make heroes.

Gentlemen, don't be afraid. Be heroes.
The world needs more like you.

Dreamers unite.

The posts up to this point have mainly focused on personal character and conduct of gentlemen. Or gentlewomen, if you've been following this, too.

(The idea for this blog came out of a conversation with a friend about how guys never seem to know what to say to girls. However, they did seem to know exactly what not to say. The mistake is that they said the latter instead of the former. Thus, what not to say to girls -- however if you're using this to train yourself as a gentlewoman instead, more power to you!)

However, if you ARE a gentlewoman, then I will warn you that this post is more for the gentlemen. It deals with things that girls wish you'd do more often, because for some reason, they produce warm and fuzzy feelings.

Who DOESN'T like warm and fuzzy feelings?

So gentlemen: we've gone over basic things that you need to keep in mind. Think about what you're saying, be willing to try something new, don't be afraid to learn, and here's today's addition:

Pursue your dreams.

I know, we've all heard this a million times. We also all know how DisneyWorld is the place where dreams come true, but has anyone wondered why it costs so much?
(Let's ignore the fact that they want to make money for just a minute.)

Are any dreams free?
Any good ones, anyway?

Do you ever wake up in the morning and find out that you've won the lottery, lost twenty pounds and gained ten IQ points overnight?

Nope. Never.

Dreams are hard. It's difficult to dream. I should point out that I'm not using the word "dream: a moment of imagination that things are different than they are". I'm using "dream: a combination of two actions where one is a plan of action, and the other is carrying it out". Dreaming is a two-part thing. You can just think about what could be different in your life, but that's not entirely useful. It's better to think about what to change, and then go change it. It takes courage. It's risky. Sometimes it looks like you've failed altogether.

But like I said earlier, you only fail if you never try.
There is nothing more attractive than a man who pursues his dreams... and everything else he loves.

Be creative!

Today will be a little bit different than the other posts. I know I haven't been really on top of writing anything, and I do apologize for that -- but today we're going to cover something that sort of fits with the subject of Being a Gentleman, and sort of doesn't.

When's the last time you were creative?

Did you paint?
Play an instrument?
Draw?
Dance?
Write?
Cook?
(Yes, cooking counts too. It's delicious creativity.)
When's the last time you were proud of something you did? Did you wish you could do it better, or that you'd never started it?

Those who never start are doomed to failure, because they can't even find the courage to begin. Those who begin have already won, because they dared to do something. Each person has a little bit of weirdness inside them. People who successfully do something with their weirdness are called "geniuses" or "talented". Those who try to be something they're not, and be gifted at something they have no talent for are called "failures".

I argue that they're not failures.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that no one is a failure.

They simply haven't tried.

There's a story written by an author named Roy Williams. He's one of the most brilliant men I know. The tale is called Destinae, and I encourage anyone on a journey to read it. What the story is about depends entirely on who you are and what you want to achieve. Don't get me wrong -- this isn't one of those "choose your own" stories where you keep your fingers in the pages to go back if you chose wrong. This story is completely solid. It's the adventure of a man...

... and a beagle.

Check it out, adventurers.
Aroo, aroo.

Willingness: Aspects

Willingness is something very important to keep in mind, but unfortunately, there isn't a lot to say about it. I could go on about some ways to be willing, but that sounds boring, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, today's post is about the aspects of willingness. The first one is self-control. There's a difference between being willing to try something new and going all out, trying everything you can get your hands on. That can go downhill way too fast, and get our new gentlemen into a ton of trouble. A fine line in gentlemanhood is figuring out where the boundaries are, and knowing when it's okay to cross them and when it's not. Trying a new restaurant? Good thing. Attempting to walk a tightrope three miles in the air? Not a bright idea. Gentlemen aren't addicted to adrenaline. Swooping in to rescue the fair maiden happens in movies, my friends. If it's in real life, I applaud the effort and root for your success. But don't be disappointed if your princess is in another castle.

The second aspect is purity in language. Not all girls like bad boys, and even the hardest heart can be melted by a man who can use choice words without swearing. Now, I'm not out to curb anybody's tongue and tell them that they're speaking incorrectly. To each their own. I'm nobody's teacher and I'm not your mama -- the way you talk is your business. This one is less of a rule and more of trait. But really... nobody expects a gentleman in a tux to be dropping f-bombs all the time, do they?

The last aspect is more of an all-around good idea and rule for gentlemen. It's called honesty. I know. It's old fashioned and assumed and "I already do that" and all sorts of things. But here's the bottom line, gentlemen: honesty is in. Lying, cheating, back-stabbing, secrets, and misconduct are all out. No good. Washed up. Maybe they got the attention of some bad boy loving girls a while ago, but if you're going to be a gentleman, they don't have a place any more.

Go be a gentleman today.

What Makes a Gentleman: Part 2

Welcome back, gentlemen of all ages! Prepare yourself, for now we head into General Part Two: Willingness.

Yeah, I know. Willingness?

Think about it, though. A lot of guys just don't want to be gentlemen. Why? Because that requires breaking out of a shell. Becoming somebody is hard. I don't want to put that down at all. It's difficult. It requires taking a stand, and some people don't like doing that. Being different is hard in the world that we live in, because one of two things can happen:
It's a failure, and you're crazy.
It's a success, and you're a genius.
It's all in the outcome of the plan. Plan accordingly, and you won't be crazy today.

It's surprisingly important to be willing when becoming a gentleman, and just as valuable as a gentleman. When becoming a gentleman, it requires bravery and willingness to take a step. And as long as you've taken a step, you're getting places. Kudos to you!

Once you've achieved gentleman status, it takes willingness to stay that way. Remember, one of the aspects of a gentleman is adaptability. If you lose your willingness, then you lose one key of gentlemanship. You can't adapt unwillingly. That only means you get crabby and drag your feet. You don't have to agree and adapt with everything all the time, because that's not gentlemanship. That's conformity. But adaptability does have its place when you learn how to use it.

I know this one's not too long, but it doesn't seem to need anything else right now. So go forth, gentlemen! Make somebody's day today.