The Last Attribute

Heart is the last attribute of a gentleman. Leadership, courage, kindness -- all of these things make up heart. It is what pushes gentlemen forward and what encourages their followers. 

[encourage] -> [en] + [courage]. 

To give courage. 

I've said a lot about what I think gentlemen are. I said that they're knowledgeable. They learn from books and experience. They're willing. They aren't afraid of mountains in need of climbing or something new to be tested. And now, they're full of heart. They're leaders in the real world, figures that people can look up to for help and guidance. 

Gentlemen aren't always people who sip tea and wear top hats. They don't always walk around saying things like, "What ho!", "Elementary, dear Watson," and "milady". They don't always stick out like sore thumbs and make people wonder.

But the best ones do.

Gentlemen are hard to find these days. May this have helped, just a little bit, on your journey to better yourself. Step out. Don't be afraid. Learn. Encourage others and encourage yourself. Together, we can build a better world. 

Comic Book Lessons, Part II

You've heard it said, "With great power comes great responsibility". Not all of us have a dear Uncle Ben who can tell us that, but it's circulated around the world enough times that almost everyone has heard it anyway. And I'll tell you something else: it's entirely true.

You may not realize it, Gentlemen, but you are leaders. Whether you want it or not, people look to you. They ask for opinions, encouragement, and approval. They look at how you act and model their behavior after you. A leader doesn't have a whole bunch of medals to show their courage in combat, or steadfastness in defending what they love. The leader is the one in the midst of the battle, fighting beside comrades and encouraging them. A leader isn't the one who takes the glory. He or she is often overlooked. The people who are aided, however, know exactly who the leader is. It doesn't matter if management knows or not. Frankly, it doesn't matter who officially recognizes you. True leadership is known unofficially, but it is known.

Gentlemen, I ask you: are you leaders?

In comic books, the leaders are heroes. They're known by specific colors: Iron Man's red suit, Hulk's green skin, Batman's black cape, or Superman's yellow and red S. Heroes in the real world aren't quite so obvious, but their work can be. Look around. Who are your heroes?

Comic Book Lessons

So far we've covered two overall points and some smaller ones. Knowledge and Willingness will start you on your way to becoming a gentleman, but what happens when you're well on your way? What sorts of things does a gentleman do, and what sorts of things happen to him? What are traits that you can use on your path?

Comic Con attendees: your attention, please. What are some of the things you saw at the show two weeks ago? Super heroes, probably. TV show and movie heroes, heroines, sidekicks, even some bad guys. Why do people choose these to represent? What about movie and comic book characters appeals to us? Why do some movies seem to strike some chords in our hearts, and bring us close to a person that doesn't exist?

Answer: these people are real.
They are a part of us.

We love certain characters because they remind us of ourselves. We hate bad guys because they embody all of the darkness within us. They're constant reminders of what happens if you let the worst of you be the best.

Earlier this week, our nation bowed its head to honor those who went to see a movie and never came back home. The news exploded into new accounts of how fearsome it is to live in the world we do. People cowered in fear in front of their TVs, suddenly afraid to set foot outside. "You never know who you'll see," say the pretty faces on the camera. "You'll never know who you'll meet."

Trust no one.

What a terrible way to live.
Gentlemen, if you learn nothing else, learn not to be afraid. If you can't trust anyone, don't trust people who would mislead you. Test everything and everyone, but don't be afraid of them. Fearing everything leads to a terrible waste of a life.

I'm sure you've seen those posters on the internet: they say things such as, "It's your life. If you don't like your job, quit. If you want to go somewhere, pack your bags." I've talked before about courage, and daring to do. There's a lot of fear packed up in doing. It requires letting go of something you know for something you don't. But you don't have to quit your job. If you love it, stay. If you need the money, look for something else before you quit it. Don't drop everything immediately. There's false freedom in that, too.

Every choice comes with responsibility to bear consequences. This is something that all heroes understand.

Spandex and tights don't make heroes. Hearts make heroes.

Gentlemen, don't be afraid. Be heroes.
The world needs more like you.

Dreamers unite.

The posts up to this point have mainly focused on personal character and conduct of gentlemen. Or gentlewomen, if you've been following this, too.

(The idea for this blog came out of a conversation with a friend about how guys never seem to know what to say to girls. However, they did seem to know exactly what not to say. The mistake is that they said the latter instead of the former. Thus, what not to say to girls -- however if you're using this to train yourself as a gentlewoman instead, more power to you!)

However, if you ARE a gentlewoman, then I will warn you that this post is more for the gentlemen. It deals with things that girls wish you'd do more often, because for some reason, they produce warm and fuzzy feelings.

Who DOESN'T like warm and fuzzy feelings?

So gentlemen: we've gone over basic things that you need to keep in mind. Think about what you're saying, be willing to try something new, don't be afraid to learn, and here's today's addition:

Pursue your dreams.

I know, we've all heard this a million times. We also all know how DisneyWorld is the place where dreams come true, but has anyone wondered why it costs so much?
(Let's ignore the fact that they want to make money for just a minute.)

Are any dreams free?
Any good ones, anyway?

Do you ever wake up in the morning and find out that you've won the lottery, lost twenty pounds and gained ten IQ points overnight?

Nope. Never.

Dreams are hard. It's difficult to dream. I should point out that I'm not using the word "dream: a moment of imagination that things are different than they are". I'm using "dream: a combination of two actions where one is a plan of action, and the other is carrying it out". Dreaming is a two-part thing. You can just think about what could be different in your life, but that's not entirely useful. It's better to think about what to change, and then go change it. It takes courage. It's risky. Sometimes it looks like you've failed altogether.

But like I said earlier, you only fail if you never try.
There is nothing more attractive than a man who pursues his dreams... and everything else he loves.

Be creative!

Today will be a little bit different than the other posts. I know I haven't been really on top of writing anything, and I do apologize for that -- but today we're going to cover something that sort of fits with the subject of Being a Gentleman, and sort of doesn't.

When's the last time you were creative?

Did you paint?
Play an instrument?
Draw?
Dance?
Write?
Cook?
(Yes, cooking counts too. It's delicious creativity.)
When's the last time you were proud of something you did? Did you wish you could do it better, or that you'd never started it?

Those who never start are doomed to failure, because they can't even find the courage to begin. Those who begin have already won, because they dared to do something. Each person has a little bit of weirdness inside them. People who successfully do something with their weirdness are called "geniuses" or "talented". Those who try to be something they're not, and be gifted at something they have no talent for are called "failures".

I argue that they're not failures.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that no one is a failure.

They simply haven't tried.

There's a story written by an author named Roy Williams. He's one of the most brilliant men I know. The tale is called Destinae, and I encourage anyone on a journey to read it. What the story is about depends entirely on who you are and what you want to achieve. Don't get me wrong -- this isn't one of those "choose your own" stories where you keep your fingers in the pages to go back if you chose wrong. This story is completely solid. It's the adventure of a man...

... and a beagle.

Check it out, adventurers.
Aroo, aroo.

Willingness: Aspects

Willingness is something very important to keep in mind, but unfortunately, there isn't a lot to say about it. I could go on about some ways to be willing, but that sounds boring, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, today's post is about the aspects of willingness. The first one is self-control. There's a difference between being willing to try something new and going all out, trying everything you can get your hands on. That can go downhill way too fast, and get our new gentlemen into a ton of trouble. A fine line in gentlemanhood is figuring out where the boundaries are, and knowing when it's okay to cross them and when it's not. Trying a new restaurant? Good thing. Attempting to walk a tightrope three miles in the air? Not a bright idea. Gentlemen aren't addicted to adrenaline. Swooping in to rescue the fair maiden happens in movies, my friends. If it's in real life, I applaud the effort and root for your success. But don't be disappointed if your princess is in another castle.

The second aspect is purity in language. Not all girls like bad boys, and even the hardest heart can be melted by a man who can use choice words without swearing. Now, I'm not out to curb anybody's tongue and tell them that they're speaking incorrectly. To each their own. I'm nobody's teacher and I'm not your mama -- the way you talk is your business. This one is less of a rule and more of trait. But really... nobody expects a gentleman in a tux to be dropping f-bombs all the time, do they?

The last aspect is more of an all-around good idea and rule for gentlemen. It's called honesty. I know. It's old fashioned and assumed and "I already do that" and all sorts of things. But here's the bottom line, gentlemen: honesty is in. Lying, cheating, back-stabbing, secrets, and misconduct are all out. No good. Washed up. Maybe they got the attention of some bad boy loving girls a while ago, but if you're going to be a gentleman, they don't have a place any more.

Go be a gentleman today.

What Makes a Gentleman: Part 2

Welcome back, gentlemen of all ages! Prepare yourself, for now we head into General Part Two: Willingness.

Yeah, I know. Willingness?

Think about it, though. A lot of guys just don't want to be gentlemen. Why? Because that requires breaking out of a shell. Becoming somebody is hard. I don't want to put that down at all. It's difficult. It requires taking a stand, and some people don't like doing that. Being different is hard in the world that we live in, because one of two things can happen:
It's a failure, and you're crazy.
It's a success, and you're a genius.
It's all in the outcome of the plan. Plan accordingly, and you won't be crazy today.

It's surprisingly important to be willing when becoming a gentleman, and just as valuable as a gentleman. When becoming a gentleman, it requires bravery and willingness to take a step. And as long as you've taken a step, you're getting places. Kudos to you!

Once you've achieved gentleman status, it takes willingness to stay that way. Remember, one of the aspects of a gentleman is adaptability. If you lose your willingness, then you lose one key of gentlemanship. You can't adapt unwillingly. That only means you get crabby and drag your feet. You don't have to agree and adapt with everything all the time, because that's not gentlemanship. That's conformity. But adaptability does have its place when you learn how to use it.

I know this one's not too long, but it doesn't seem to need anything else right now. So go forth, gentlemen! Make somebody's day today.

Attributes: Part 2

Part 2 of the Attribute section names some of the traits a gentleman must master. These aren't easy, so don't just assume that you can get up and have them. Like any trait, you need to learn it and then level it up. (Hint hint nudge nudge, gamers.) But don't be afraid to go for it -- pull together your courage and make it happen. I'm reminded of a quote from a mushy movie I watched once: "All it takes is twenty seconds of crazy, unbelievable courage." Make something new happen today. Twenty seconds could change your life.

So, traits of a gentleman -- this section has sat on my computer for several days as I contemplated how to write it. But here's what I decided, and if you want more fact than opinion, then go ahead and skip this part. These are some of the traits that I look for in a gentleman, and I think that some other girls do, too... especially in the gaming realm.

Ready?
Here we go.

Thoughtfulness is a huge one. I know, I know, thoughtfulness isn't manly. You know what else isn't thought of as manly? Ballroom dancing. You'd be surprised how many dates it gets you.

Thoughtfulness isn't something that girls would put down on a list of things they like in a guy, but it's one of the biggest turn-ons ever. Remember the age-old "turning up on the doorstep with flowers in hand" for a date? It's not because we like flowers. We don't want chocolate for the sake of Valentine's Day. We want you to remember that we're pretty, and be able to tell us so without sounding like a suck-up. The more compliments used during a date equals amount of points out of favor after around... ten. So, in an equation, this reads:

If c=compliments, and p=points, then:
c > 10 = -(p)

Just something to keep in mind.

There are two other traits that are subs under thoughtfulness, too. These are patience and gentleness. It's not very often you meet a gentle guy. This is another one of those "unmanly" things -- are you noticing a trend? Maybe the guys that stand out are the ones that girls will go for, the ones that are gentle instead of bros, thoughtful instead of hard-headed, and meaningful with compliments instead of sounding like a sleaze.

Patience makes you stand out as an individual. Here in the U.S., especially, there's a problem with running life too quickly. Your worth is measured as how many things you get done in a day, and that shouldn't be the way gentlemanship is approached. That's what makes it so special. That's why gentlemen and gentlewomen stand out -- because they're not rushed. They're kind. They're patient. They're gentle, and thoughtful. They're like awesome presents wrapped up in shiny paper with sparkly bows. They're eye-catching and day-making. And you can be, too.

Go for it. Make someone's day.
It'll make you a happier you.

Artributes: Part One

Before I get into the next part, I have a question:

What makes a gentleman to you? Who do you want to be? If you close your eyes, what pops up into your mind?

Okay, that was more than one question. Sorry.

Here are some that occurred to me:
-Sherlock Holmes
-a top hat
-a walking cane
-tea
-a calm speaking tone
-truthfulness
-gentleness
-kindness

Surprised? A gentleman isn't all knowledge and experiences. There are some attributes that go with the title as well. I'll try to do this for each section, but for this part, what attributes should be discussed for Knowledge?

For some, with knowledge and experiences comes a sense of superiority, because of all of the things that you've seen that no one else has. That's something you'll want to cut down on, because nobody likes an uppity dandy. The best gentlemen share their knowledge with a graceful touch, like they were imparting the greatest of treasure, silver and gold worth fortune. Your knowledge should be a treasure to you. Expand on it, and it'll make you proud.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I'd talk about Learning. Well, Learning is classified here as anything you can get out of a book. That's not the official definition, but it's the more realistic way to go about describing it, at least for me. Whereas Knowledge is one of the Things that Make a Gentleman Awesome, Learning is one step below that, because courage is so important. Almost anyone can pick up a book and decide to read it, but it takes a special sort of person to be able to actually want to go do things. That being said, Learning is also very important, because without Learning, you won't be able to increase Knowledge. These, too, are attributes that go hand in hand.

If you rewind a bit through the posts, you'll see where I wrote about being adventurous and the first post about learning. Well, there's another word that describes both of these things, and it's under Knowledge, too -- Adaptability. Adaptability happens when Learning and Knowledge meet up with Adventure, they all go out for a drink, and have headaches in the morning. Whatever plans they had will have to be changed. Adaptability helps Learning, Knowledge and Adventure work together so that they can change life for the better, either for you or someone else.

Keep that in mind the next time something goes wrong.

Adventure

Knowledge is courage and experience. Does anything else fall under this category?

In a moment of Old Spiceness, there is one more thing:

Courage + Experience = Knowledge
Courage + Experience = Adventure
Therefore, Knowledge = Adventure.

In a sense, the whole road to becoming a gentleman is an adventure. However, in order to tackle the life around you with the attitude of a gentleman, you will need all the things that knowledge provides, including a sense of adventure. Now, that doesn't mean that you should immediately pack your bags for the African savannah and try to wrestle a lion, or pull out your Indiana Jones hat and practice cracking a whip while on your way to an archeological dig. Adventure isn't all film and actresses -- it's a satisfaction with what you have found in life, and daring to continue after whatever else you desire. It's the knowledge that there's something else out there, and choosing to find out what it is. Adventure doesn't have to be guns and spies; it doesn't have to deal with beautiful women fawning over you in a club. That's the adventure that some men choose, but very few are able to keep up such a life. Any event can be an adventure if you make it so -- it all depends on how you view the task before you.

The adventurers in movies spend a lot of time in stark terror and running on adrenaline. While this isn't the most healthy way to be adventurous in real life, that is what a lot of people see a normal adventure as.

So they're not adventurous. And then they look back on life and ask, "Where did I go wrong? What else could I have done?"

Answer: everything.

Why try to do everything?
Why not?

What's holding you back from your adventure, gentleman?

Courage.

So knowledge is experience. But not only that: it's mistakes, accidents, and stories that can result in laughter, connections, and memories. Knowledge isn't all bad: if you went to a restaurant and had excellent service, you discovered a good experience. Now you have the knowledge that this is an awesome restaurant. You wouldn't have gained that knowledge if you never tried it.

This brings us to Point #2 of Knowledge:

Knowledge requires courage.

Although the Old Spice commercials may tell you differently, courage doesn't require you to immediately run out and try to wrestle a dinosaur at the edge of a volcano that's about to erupt. But it does ask you to step out and try something new. You may not like it. You might fall in love with it. Real gentlemen aren't afraid to try new things, because they know it expands their horizons. It gives them more knowledge that they can apply to their work, their relationships, and their lives in general. Without courage, we wouldn't have some of the best products on the market today. We wouldn't have some of the up-and-coming eco-friendly plans that are on the way. It took someone with courage to step out and say, "Let's try doing it this way." That can be a scary thing. You face down dozens sets of eyes to show them that things can change.

Gentlemen make a difference.
Are you ready to do that?

Part One: Knowledge

They say that a house without a library is without a soul. Knowledge is one of the greatest things that anyone can have, and gentlemen have an abundance of it. This doesn't mean that you need to know every last detail about every topic - in fact, you don't have to know every single topic. There are a lot of different things to know in the world, from basket-weaving to African languages, motorcycle repair to piano playing, and photography to building construction. The world doesn't expect anyone to know absolutely everything - otherwise, there wouldn't be anything to discuss. I split up all there is to know into two categories: knowledge and learning. Learning qualifies as anything you'd find in a schoolbook. For example, classical paintings, history dates, and what chemicals you can mix together safely are subjects examined in schools, colleges and universities. Knowledge, however, is different - it uses systems and things that you have to do in order to know what happens. How to paint a picture or being there during a particular moment of history are both samples of knowledge.

However, knowledge isn't all boring. Whereas learning tells you what chemicals to mix together for a safe effect, knowledge can tell you what causes an explosion. Learning and knowledge are two sides of the same coin: whatever learning shares, knowledge masters the opposite. Making mistakes helps you learn because you own the knowledge of whatever act you committed. This is actually a good thing - making mistakes is usually not encouraged, but it gives you tools you need to understand what to do next time.

Knowledge is important for gentlemen because it builds credit. Just like a good thief has street smarts, knowledge outfits gentlemen with everything they need to begin discussions about things. If you've blown up something with a bad chemical mix, it makes a good story. Stories bring people together, and are remembered. While blowing something up might not be how you want to be remembered, people will remember that you've had experience with chemicals, and you could become the expert in their eyes. Remember, a true gentlemen doesn't flaunt his knowledge, but imparts it gracefully. However, that's for another post.

Welcome to becoming a gentleman. Your adventure has only just begun.

A Brief Introduction

Earlier I mentioned the three parts of being a gentleman. You'll soon see that I've divided these three qualities into three sections of the book. One by one, the points will be introduced, and several characteristics will be discussed after that. Once all three points have been revealed, you'll be well on your way to gentlemanliness.

Are you ready?

Good luck.